If your daughter is bigger than most of her classmates, it sounds like she is probably just struggling with her ratio of muscle mass to overall body mass. This is pretty common at young ages. Swinging on the monkey bars requires a lot of arm strength in relation to total body mass, as well as much stronger hand grip. As a consequence, it is generally much easier for a small child to swing on the monkey bars than a big child the same age.

You don’t have anything to worry about with your daughter. You might simply want to explain to her that everyone has different body types and grows at different speeds, and that she will likely catch up with her peers on the monkey bars as everyone grows over the next year or two.

I would hazard to guess that your daughter, due to her size, probably performs better than her classmates in some other physical activities. If this is true, you might want to point this out to her.

In general, children who are big at an early age will often dominate in some physical activities, such as sprinting, throwing a baseball, or kicking a soccer ball for distance. However, as your daughter is seeing, they will often struggle with activities related to “gymnastics” type movements, such as swinging on monkey bars, or doing forward rolls and somersaults.

This doesn’t mean that you should discourage your daughter from playing on the monkey bars. To the contrary – you can explain to her that everyone’s movement skills will change over time according to our rates of growth and the degree to which we practice different skills. You can also point out that we often have different talents and abilities, and we don’t always have to be the best in everything we do.

Hopefully, she will continue playing on the monkey bars and developing her skills. This assumes that she actually likes the monkey bars and she is having fun. It shouldn’t become a “job” for her or something that she is “graded” on.

A further thought: You could consider registering your daughter in an introductory gymnastics program. She might struggle with learning certain movements, but it will greatly enhance her balance, coordination and strength in the long term.

As well, in the process, it will likely help her abilities in other physical activities and increase her overall confidence in different activity environments.

But there is a lesson here that all kids benefit from learning: we don’t have to be the best in everything we do. We might be more adept than our peers in some activities, and less adept in others. The important thing is to have fun and develop the abilities we have.

For preschool and primary school ages, it’s important to make a clear distinction between “sports” in the competitive sense and what we might call physical “activities” and precursors to sports.

For the sake of discussion, at the preschool and early primary ages, let’s refer to things like organized hockey, soccer, tennis, and baseball as sports (competitive element), and things like swimming, dance and skating as physical activities.

Children can easily start activities such as swimming and skating during their preschool and even toddler years. Introductory gymnastics programs are also great at early ages for developing agility, balance, and coordination that can be used in all sports later. All of these activities develop important fundamental movement skills while developing your child’s enjoyment of physical activity. At later ages, these activities can also become competitive sports, but this is seldom the case at preschool and primary school ages.

When it comes to sports like hockey, soccer, and the rest, you need to proceed with caution. The competitive emotions among adult organizers and spectators very often ruin the experience for young children, even if it is a minority of adults who get overly excited. As Steve Nash’s dad says, adult obsession with winning can have a very negative effect.

In this regard, you can be sure that your average five-year-old does not see winning as a live-or-die proposition, and this is entirely healthy. They are interested in play in the purest sense of the word. Furthermore, in terms of psychological and cognitive development, they often can’t grasp the basic rules of the sport or essential playing concepts like passing to teammates. Many of these are adult concepts, and most children are not ready to appreciate these ideas until they are a bit older and further into elementary school.

This is a good reminder that we need to respect each child’s stage of development not only physically, but also cognitively and emotionally. (In fact, this is the rationale behind the Long-Term Athlete Development model.)

Every child is different, but most four- and five-year-olds will develop a better connection with a sport such as soccer or baseball if they start simply by playing at home with their parents, siblings, and friends. Parent and child play is actually a great way to build fundamental skills in a fun, accepting, and safe environment. By playing and practicing the basics at home, your child develops the fundamental skills to participate with confidence when he decides to play the game with friends at school or join an organized team later.

If you have factors that limit your child’s ability to play at home, a multi-sport program such as Sportball is another option for introducing your child to traditional “competitive” sports in a fun, non-competitive environment.

At the end of the day, you have to know your own child. There may be a very few children who are ready for organized sports at age four or five, but most will do much better to wait until age six, seven or even eight.

If you do decide to register your son for an organized sport, be sure to review the elements that make up a quality program in that sport. When kids enter programs that fail to address their developmental age, they often have negative experiences that discourage them from continuing simply because the program is poorly adapted for their stage of development.

There are two sides to this answer. First of all, you are very fortunate in the sense that your son is getting to experience a wide variety of sports and physical activities prior to puberty. As a consequence he is developing a great range of fundamental movement and sport skills at precisely the age when he should be.

In discussions around developing physical literacy in children, the cardinal rule is to get kids doing a variety of activities up until their adolescent growth spurt. After the growth spurt, kids can start to think about specializing in one sport. A couple of notable exceptions: experts say acrobatic sports such as figure skating, gymnastics and diving require specialization from younger ages if your child hopes to excel at them later in life.

The other side to this answer: it sounds like your son hasn’t yet found a sport or physical activity that really excites him. The fact that you still find yourself having to “enforce” his attendance speaks to this fact. But don’t be alarmed – you simply need to continue encouraging him to try different sports and activities. Something is sure to catch his interest.

Have you considered martial arts or dance? Kayaking or sailing? Tennis or badminton? Skateboarding or rock climbing? Check out this list of 61 sports with your son, explore a few online, and see if any of them catch his attention. You might be surprised by what catches his attention.

Finding your sport is a lot like discovering a musical instrument. Many parents introduce their children to the piano to encourage them towards playing music. But if a child doesn’t like piano, the parents often assume it means the child isn’t musical. The truth is that the child might be ready to discover a hidden love for guitar, drums, violin or flute! But they need the opportunity to try these other instruments to find that passion.

And then there’s another possibility for your son: he may have already tried his favorite sport or activity in the past, but he didn’t develop a passion for it because the program was poorly organized or it had weak instruction. It may be worth revisiting one or two of these sports to see what he thinks now, and to see if it makes a difference with different coaches or a different program. Do a bit of research in your area, ask a few friends, and try to find a quality program.

Your son is only in grade five. He has at least three or four years before you need to start thinking about him focusing on one activity or specializing in one sport, and that’s only if he decides he wants to try to be a professional some day or compete for Canada. In the meantime, it’s best if he continues to do a variety of sports and activities.

Your son might decide during his teen years that he is happy just to be a recreational participant in four or five sports for the rest of his life, committing full-time to none. If that happens, it’s as big a victory in raising an active kid as seeing him go to the Olympics or play professional hockey!

Coyle has brought a few of his tips to life by posting bite-size videos on YouTube that are complete with illustrations. If you haven’t had a chance to pick up the book yet these videos are a great taste of the what the The Little Book of Talent has to offer. And even if the book is currently on your bedside table these video tips are a helpful reminder of simple changes you can make today.

Just a few of the 52 tips in the book are available as videos. Each one takes less than two minutes to watch and will help you reframe the way you think about developing your child’s talents. How will you use these tips in your daily life?

• Tip #14: Take off your watch - Coyle explains that it’s not the amount of time you spend practicing that counts but the number of quality repetitions that matter. A must-see for parents.
• Tip #21: Think in vivid images – Coyle shows that people learn better when they are given vivid images to explain an action rather than a vague image.
• Tip #42: Coach with vivid information – Coyle debunks the myth that great coaches inspire large groups of people by delivering epic speeches. The truth is that great coaching is done by connecting with people by providing short and vivid pieces of information.

Q: If my child starts an activity and hates it, is it okay to let him quit in the middle of the program, or should I force him to continue? I’m worried about raising a “quitter”, but I’m also worried about turning my child off activity altogether.

This is a common conundrum for parents as they get their kids into just about any sport or activity. It’s a situation where you need to find the right balance.

On one hand, you want to trust your child’s ability to decide what they like and choose appropriately. On the other hand, you also want to make sure they are not giving up prematurely just because they feel stretched slightly outside their comfort zone with something new. So you need to take time to talk with them and listen to what they are feeling.

Here are some things to look for:

• If your child has only attended one or two sessions in the activity, they may not have had a real taste of the activity yet, or they may still just be overcoming initial shyness in meeting new kids. Encourage them to try at least five or six sessions, and consider making a deal with them that they can quit after five or six sessions if they still don’t like it. This is a good way to push gently outside your child’s “comfort zone” if they tend to be shy.
• If you have a small child, maybe they don’t like getting up early on a Saturday to participate in the activity, or being the youngest in the activity group. Try to find out if this is the case, and then address the issue at hand. Maybe you will decide to move them to a similar program that runs later in the day, or you will jointly decide to wait one more year to join the activity so your child will not feel intimidated by the bigger kids.
• If your child is close to becoming a teen or pre-teen, and this is their first time doing the particular sport or activity, you might find that they like it, but they lack many of the fundamental skills that the other kids have. As a consequence, they may feel inadequate and embarrassed. You can offer to get them some extra training time or extra instruction with an academy coach, or you can offer to practice with them at home so they catch up in their skills.
• If your child is registered in a team sport, you might discover that they prefer individual sports, or vice versa. Consider moving them from one to the other. Help them to explore different options by talking about all of the different types of sports and activities. Visit websites and learn more about each activity, and talk to other parents and kids who are doing those activities. Remember, the world of sport is not just hockey, or soccer, or tennis, or figure skating. There are a multitude of sports for your child to discover, as well as fun and demanding physical activities that we don’t traditionally tend to consider “sports”, such as dance and even skateboarding.

These are the most common reasons why kids may want to quit an activity. Of course, on rare occasion, there can be more serious reasons. You need to act quickly and decisively if you find any of the following:

• The coaches or instructors are neglectful or verbally abusive (or worse).
• There are parents in the activity setting who are verbally abusive (or worse).
• There are child bullies in the activity setting, and your child feels unsafe.

You can likely catch any serious issues early if you commit to attending at least the first three or four sessions of the activity. No one likes to imagine that these things can happen to their child, but it pays to do your due diligence as a parent. You may find it helpful to look at this quality sport checklist as well.

As you discuss the notion of quitting with your child, also check your own beliefs and concerns around the notion of quitting. We explore some of those concerns in our article about children who show no interest in sports.

Above all, have faith that there is an activity “out there” that your child will enjoy. Often you just need to help them to discover it at the right time with some thoughtful discussion and gradual exploration of the options. John Nash and Jeff Mallett are two parents who have great ideas on encouraging your kids in activity and sport. Jennifer Hedger says she also had the right kind of encouragement from her mom and dad.

So don’t imagine the sky is falling if your child says she wants to quit. See it as a signal that you need to sit down, practice some active listening and explore the options.

That is a great question. The catch is that there is no black-and-white answer. It depends on the personality of your child, the coaches, the program and other time demands of your family.

Here are some things to consider:

• First of all, and most important, does your son actually want to practice hockey four days each week?

• If yes, will he start to dread hockey after a few weeks of the training routine? Be prepared to monitor him for signs of mental and physical fatigue, and don’t hesitate to give him breaks from practice if he needs them.

• Will his coaches permit him to take breaks from practice if he needs them? (If the coaches are not prepared to allow their players breaks at this age, they are ignoring the needs of the child.)

• What stresses will the additional practices put on your family as a whole? Maybe your son will practice four times a week with a smile, but your family may be stretched with extra driving to practice, getting homework done and spending family time together.

• Will the extra practices mean that he doesn’t have time for unstructured free play with friends and siblings? Unstructured free play is essential for children’s healthy mental, emotional and social development.

• Will your son have any time to do other sports and physical activities? The best hockey players say that they played a variety of sports when they were growing up.

• Are you prepared to make a commitment to no summer hockey, so your son has the opportunity to experience other sports during the summer? This is important so he can develop and wider array of movement and sport skills.

• Does “select” hockey mean a win-at-all-costs approach by the coaches when it comes to each player’s ice time during games? Every player should get equal playing time at this age, whether or not it is a “select” team. They should also have opportunities to play in every different position.

• Does the competition environment for six-year-old “select” hockey include spectators and coaches screaming verbal abuse and negativity? This is destructive for teenage athletes, never mind a six-year-old.

Assuming you have answered all of the above questions to your satisfaction, and assuming your son really wants to play that much hockey, then here are some other things to consider:

• The extra skating time each week will definitely help your son to become a better skater in the long run, and better skating skills mean he will probably become a better player than most of his child peers through to his adolescent growth spurt.

• However, the adolescent growth spurt changes a lot of things. Depending on how much he grows, how much muscle mass he develops, how fast he ends up being, and many other performance factors, there is still no guarantee that he will be able to continue in high-level hockey or reach the NHL just because he started to play select hockey at age six. Meanwhile, he may have lost significant opportunities to play other sports on the way to that discovery.

• As one alternative, he can probably improve his skating skills and gain an advantage in his hockey performance if he takes up another skating activity like figure skating or power skating during the extra two practice days instead. Those activities will make him a better skater, and he will also have another winter sport. You never know – he might discover that he likes figure skating more than hockey! Perhaps he’ll become the next Patrick Chan.

You are concerned that your son won’t be able to catch up to his peers and integrate with them later if he doesn’t play select hockey this year. This is partly true from a social standpoint. As kids get close to their teens, it is always more difficult to fit in within an established team social group. However, when it comes to actual hockey skills, your son will probabaly catch up to his peers if he likes hockey and is a well-rounded athlete.

As you can see, you asked a tough question! And there is no single easy answer. Consider the questions above, and trust your instincts with regard to your own child.

By playing lacrosse they learn to run fast, as well as track an object in the air. That will help with hitting and base running!

By climbing monkey bars at the playground they gain arm strength and upper body coordination which will help them throw baseballs and swing bats.

By swimming they improve their cardiovascular abilities and develop strength and flexibility, which help their overall athleticism in baseball.

Participating in other sports always helps improve skills in a favourite sport. Children need to develop as all-round athletes before they specialize in one sport.

Your description of your son, and the comments from the coach, indicate that your son is already enjoying hockey and thriving at the sport. Your question is really whether or not he should specialize in hockey at his age.

There are very important reasons why not.

First, the research shows that early specialization in a particular sport often leads to negative consequences such as overuse injuries, athlete burnout and limited motor skill development. Some kids even end up quitting the activity altogether.

Remember, the number one reason kids play sports is to have fun. Researchers note kids don’t often have much fun with the kinds of training activities and the hours and hours of practice that specialization requires.

Second, and perhaps most pertinent to your son, a recent survey of hockey players on Canada’s 2012 World Junior team showed that they played a variety of sports as children. Consider these two basic stats from the survey:

Average age starting formal hockey: 5 years
Average age specializing in hockey: 14 years

Canada’s top young hockey players were involved in a diversity of sports between the ages of 5 and 14. Three-quarters of them were competitive in sports other than hockey during that time. On average, they played five sports in addition to hockey. The most popular were golf, soccer, baseball, volleyball, basketball and tennis.

Gretzky, perhaps the most famous player to ever play the game, said that summer hockey was the worst thing to ever happen to the sport.

Your son’s hockey skills are best served if he plays for other sports this summer. If he enjoyed baseball last year, let him play again.

In September, he’ll come back to the ice rink excited and refreshed after having enjoyed learning and practicing another game. He will have more enthusiasm for hockey and he will have picked up additional skills along the way.

Who knows, you may even see him playing for Canada one day. Playing a diversity of sports certainly didn’t hurt Gretzky’s hockey development.

Photo by: Firstin

It starts with you deciding to insist on properly designed sport and activity programs for your child.

When kids learn the right thing at the right time and in the right way, they improve their skills and they have fun.

That leads to them staying involved in sport, which is the first step towards reaching the top ranks of amateur and even professional competition.

Also, skill development comes from participating in a variety of sports. Mastering skills comes later. Talk to just about any professional athlete and you’ll find they played many different sports as a child.

Probably not.

Even a young Wayne Gretzky knew that he needed to take a break from hockey at the end of a season. It gave his body a chance to recover and it gave his brain a chance to think about something else.

He spent his summers playing baseball and lacrosse. Both sports enhanced his hand-eye coordination and while playing lacrosse, he learned how to dodge checks.

When fall arrived, he was excited to get back on the ice again. And we know how things turned out for Wayne.